So You Want to Be a Writer…

So you want to be a writer? Delve into that heady, intoxicating world of make believe. Invite others into your secret worlds and be admired for having imaginary friends. Ahhhh! The writing life. Here are some tips to help get you started.

Get ready to become a pathetic version of Jekyll and Hyde. There are weeks I am THE most brilliant writer I know. Everything I touch turns to f**king gold. Everyone loves me and I’m on my way to super-stardom. Those weeks come along about once every two years or so. Sometimes a bit more often if I’m lucky. More often I’m doggedly swimming against a current because I love what I do and am determined to find SOMEONE, ANYONE who agrees with me. And then there are the dark times. When the only thing talking me down from tearing the world into a million pieces is copious amounts of junk food and reruns of The Office, Golden Girls, King of the Hill, and Archer.

Be happy with less. Because writing don’t pay. Unless you’re one of the rare and beautiful comets that streaks across society’s sky, blazing with golden light, you ain’t gonna make much bling. Certainly not enough to quick your day job or not be subsidized by a spouse.

Prepare yourself to get kicked in the nuts/vag at least once every six months (and the odds are likely it will be way more often). And those kicks come from everyone: agents, editors, reviewers, readers, your family, friends, and especially yourself. It astonishes me that any writer can have any arrogance at all.

Practice stoicism. My husband is a student of stoicism and often treats me to mini-lessons on its virtues. Basically, train yourself not to give a f**k because there will crap you cannot control. And if you react/lose it/invest too much in said crap, you will lose your freakin’ mind.

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